On Fall and a Letter to God

Dear God, It’s about time I wrote you a letter.

I watched that movie about the kid with cancer who used to write you all the time.  Apparently,it was based on a real story.  Even more so, I’m told it’s cathartic.  You see, sometimes it’s hard for a guy like me to formulate my thoughts into a prayer.  I get distracted.  Also, when I get to talking I start making mistakes.  My wife says I say “um” a lot and I shouldn’t.  I speak before I think, I verbalize before I consider consequences.  It may be no matter to you, you know my heart.  But I digress, maybe you just like to get a letter.  Everyone likes getting a letter.  So, proverbially speaking, I hope this one finds you well.

The leaves are changing here.  The sticky humidity of late Indiana Summers has started to make way for a crisp, Autumn air.  I’ve traded Air Conditioning in the morning for the red part of my temperature dial on the way to work. Pumpkins paint the landscapes of the front porches in our neighborhood, as the last of the “my lawn is the greenest” neighbors succumb to the reality that brown is the new green.  It’s fall.  And I love it.  I wanted to let you know when you designed this season – you got it right.

With every fall comes a little bit of reflection.  Fall maintains it’s significance above and beyond the changing weather as it ushers in another year of my life.   This year, I’ve learned more about myself and who I am than any other year I’ve been alive.  I’ve watched my daughter grow from a little child to a girl, my first son graduate from baby sign language and rattles to ABC Flashcards and YoGabbaGabba (do the kids in Heaven dance to YoGabbaGabba too?), and I see my youngest struggling to take his first steps earlier than perhaps Dr. Spock’s Baby guide ever intended.  I’ve learned that the person I’m married to is more amazing than I first thought when I met her; full of grace, strength, and a desire to love me throughout my significant inequities.  I’m pretty certain you created her just for me.  Well.. I’d like to think me only, but seeing her touch other people’s lives has me facing the reality that I’m not the only one who get’s to benefit from your wonderful creation.

I’ve really made a lot of mistakes this year too.  I’ve had my priorities so messed up that I’ve hurt the people that should have been my priority.  I’ve placed things that are more important second. I’ve neglected asking you what you thought first.  Not that I did it maliciously.  It was more me not listening to you.  Instead, I was listening to my own plan, thinking that was best.  Hindsight is 20/20, I guess, because my plan surely didn’t yield expected results.  What’s cool though, God, is that you took my plan, and still blessed it.  Regardless if it was what you really wanted for me, It was as if you still wanted to make sure I was okay.  That’s pretty awesome of you, come to think of it.  If we ever get a chance to eat dinner together, I’ll pick up the check.

I’m also a little scared.  The world seems to be getting scarier everyday.  I look at my kids and wonder how long I can shelter them from evil.  I look at the economy and wonder how long I’ll be able to provide.  I look at my country and wonder how long any of us will be able to feel safe and united again.  I know my parents often tell me how easy I have it compared to them, but I often wonder if they looked into their generations future with the same dread and uncertainty that I look today. Or for that matter – my children.

I know, I know, I’m not putting faith into you that you have everything in control.  I’ll have to work on that.  Ask my wife – I like to try and fix everything.  Some things, I can’t fix – I get that.
Look, I’m not really sure what else to say.  I just wanted to let you know that in general, things here are pretty awesome. You’re pretty awesome.  But you knew that, didn’t you?

Your son,