On Breaking Up With Vegas (My Vegas Top Ten)

I’ve been in Vegas since last Saturday on a business trip.  I know, saying that might sound tongue-in-cheek for some – but it’s true.  I’ve spent the majority of my stay in Vegas in a classroom learning great new ways to spend my company’s IT budget, develop tighter network security, increase ROI on our current datacenter network, and generally how to do a lot of geeky stuff a little better.  Needless to say, it’s been beneficial.  Now, that said – I certainly could list every detailed thing I learned (I imagine my boss will ask for that later); but 99.9 percent of you could and should care less – and it’s not really the point of this post.

What is the point of this post?  I’d like to share the things I did learn about this town (and I have no intention to be anything other than brutally honest in my approach – so my apologies in advance to the residents of this city). With that said, I’m entirely hoping nobody really takes the City of Las Vegas seriously – It’s so over the top I’m not sure how anyone really could – but if you do, you might want to skip this.  I did enjoy eating at several restaurants, I did play a couple games (low risk, cheap ones), and  I did take in the sights, but overall  – in hindsight… I don’t have much to say nice about it.  I tried, really, I did.. but it’s just not my cup of tea…  So here’s my Vegas Top Ten things…

1) The city of Vegas is truly void of all morality.  Anything, and everything seems to go here. Waitresses wear lingerie in almost every restaurant, advertisements everywhere ooze sex and alcohol. . Pornographic advertisements litter the strip, especially with people handing out how to access a hooker, who apparently, will be at your door in less than 20 minutes.  I find that intriguing (not in a good way).  I can’t even get pizza to my door in thirty minutes, but I can get a hooker there in less time. Maybe Pizza Hut should adopt their business model.

2) Everything here costs more than what should be legal, including Pizza.  In fact, I’m guessing the hookers probably offer a better deal than the Pizza.  ATMs charge 10 dollar fees, a bottle of water is $6.00, a beer will set you back $10.00 and a cab ride over a mile will cost you $23.00.  I’m all about capatilism, so I guess if you can get people to pay it – great.  But…

3) People, seemingly intelligent people even, get stupid once walking off the plane in Vegas.  Why? Because they pay for $6.00 bottles of waters and $57.00 dollar pizzas.  That’s why. I fell for it too a couple times. And when they are not drinking their $6.00 bottle of water..

4) They’re gambling.  I watched people pull $100.00 a pull slot machines and lose money like it was nothing.  I watched a guy lose 100K on one hand of Black Jack and not even flinch.  How do these people justify that? I mean, seriously – if you have that kind of money at least buy something with it that’s tangible.  If you really have 100K disposable income at your fingertips, try changing the freaking world for the better.  People sure have done it for much less. And while you’re at it..

5) Watch your kids. For the love of God and all that is Holy, don’t bring your kids.  People let their kids (young kids) run wild in a casino.  I saw one woman playing slots with her 4 year old son sitting next to her while she accepted a drink from a lingerie clad waitress.  Cause that’s right little Johnny, “watch Mommy give the pretty lady a twenty dollar tip while I gamble away your college fund and perhaps even the grocery money.”  Besides, Little Johnny will see..

6) The over-the-top pecularities and sights of Vegas.  This place has EVERYTHING, and they do it BIG.  I’m talking buildings the size of city blocks, Casinos you’ll get lost in, a model Eifel Tower, and a giant Statue of Liberty.  This place is definetly something to see – from the fountains at the the Mirage, the sinking pirate ship at Treasure Island – it’s a place that has a great curb appeal, except for late at night when…

7) Vegas is full of just as much old ladies at slot machines as it is my generation.  The generation that either had Mom and Dad give them some gambling money and sent them away on the private jet, or just the one’s that pretend they will.  It’ll be ironic when these people turn into the blue-haired ladies we see at the penny slots in 50 years. Speaking of pennies…

..8) Pennie slots and gambling in general is a joke.  Spoken from experience, I did not lose a lot – but I lost enough to feel like a total fool for even playing any game.  Seriously, you literally are better off burning your money for heat during the winter than pulling a slot here.  You’d get a better ROI anyways – at least you’d get something – heat.  Speaking of heat –

9) This place is freaking hot.  It reminds me so much of Saudia Arabia where I spent a good amount of time growing up.  Walking the strip – even between Casino’s will suck the life completely out of you.  It’s best to just stay in your hotel during the day,unless you like consuming $6.00 bottles of water, as you think about how much…

10) I really don’t like Vegas.  It’s just not my thing.  At all, really.  I’m sure if I had more money to spend on the fancy resteraunts or the spectacular (and good) shows, I may have a seperate opinion – but to be honest – that’s not what makes this town.  What makes this town is the appeal of the lustful, sinful, carnal desires we all have (even I spent some time oogling – I am human).  The motto of Vegas isn’t “We have really good resteraunts, shows, and family activities,” the motto is “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”

And Vegas? You can keep it – well most of it,  I’ll take my conference t-shirts, pens, and booth goodies, my wealth of new Network knowledge and head back to where there’s corn and $2.00 ATM fees, and the bottled water is 99 cents.

– Grant

P.S.

Let’s get one thing out of the way:  It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted.  I don’t have a good excuse.  I want to make this a habit, but I’ve failed at that commitment.  I hope to address that by actually sticking to regular posts.

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